April 3, 2011

Arizona Have Banned Ice-cream

Google Celebrataes 119th Anniversary Sunday

On April 3rd, 1892, back when immigrants were from Europe and welcomed and Arizona was not even a state yet

before anchor baby Sheriff Arpaio was born to Italian parents
before Tom Horne was borne in Canada, and
before Jan Brewer’s father died fighting the Nazis in WWII (even though documentation shows he died in California in the 1950s), there was a popular cat in town, cool as ice, and people loved him even though he was undocumented.

Back in the day crossing over the Gila river north of Tucson would get you over an international border. People would walk back and forth without documentation, and to survive the hot desert heat the Mexican immigrants would bring their paletas from Michoacan.

We don’t know how long this practice goes back since back then the ice cream was undocumented.

Now, if you go to Google, you will see the icecream image.

If you hover your mouse over the image, it will say “119th Anniversary of the First Documented Ice Cream Sundae.”

Before then they must have been undocumented, which would have meant that Steven Seagal would have to ride in on a tank to stop the undocumented in the middle of the Arizona dessert.

Tom Horne's ice cream is colorless, but it still has a color

Tom Horne, not to be confused with “eye scream,” would have declared a war on Neapolitan Ice Cream.

First he would declare that Neapolitan was loyal to the French leader who was trying to overthrow the US government.

Then he would tell the story about how when he was younger he marched for milk and the true MiLK was white, or rather color-blind, and thus would have moved to outlaw the black and red, since true ice cream knows no segregation by color.

Steve Montenegro, I mean Monteblanco, I mean Montevendido would have agreed with the devilish Horne and would have been jealous of the red and brown being closer to the white than he was, and even though he never tried the Neapolitan he would have written a bill to ban it.

As a conservative pastor he would have declared naming an ice cream a “sunday” an attack on the Lord’s day, preached against it, and would have banned the undocumented sundae from Arizona forever.

Sheriff Arpaio loves pink things on strong dark chocolate helping pitch a tent in his Tent City.

Sheriff Arpaio at first loved the Neapolitan, since that’s where his parents were born (and they were citizens of Italy when Joe was born, making him an anchor baby). He liked the idea of putting the strawberry ice cream on the chocolate and called the flavor intense, and years later that would give birth to the pink underwear on brown prisoners in tents. Tent City that is.

Huppenthal would have hated ice cream, noting that Ben Franklin never ate it, so neither would he.

Little Russell Pearce would throw a Tanton when his parents said he couldn’t eat chocolate ice cream, noting that it got its color by being from the seed of Cain’s cocoa plants. Russell Pearce learned to hate cocoa for being of Mexican origins because he thought it was unfair, and thus would spend the rest of his life imposing his FAIR on all things Mexican.

Jan Brewer eats too much ice cream, which explains her problem with the brainfreeze.

Now we all wait to find out if ice cream will be allowed in by the Pedicone or if it will be Marked for outlaw in the name of compromise? To the TUSD superintendent or school board president, ice cream is not really dessert and should only be considered a second-class dessert. Except for vanilla of course, since vanilla has no flavor or color and is considered the default (ignore the whiteness and vanilla flavor of the ice cream for now).

One thing for sure, making a Sunday pun on a Sundae, or rather a Sundae pun on a Sunday, is tough and tiring. But this was important history for the newspaper business.

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